(almost) 1 month slideshow

Car Seat Check

And Pass! We are going home SOON! :)

More Progress

Koze and been doing extra amazing these passed few days. As of Saturday, Dec 5th, he is 5lbs 12oz...a whole pound above his birth weight. As of noon today he has woken up to eat his last 6 meals in a row and is now taking 70% of all of his food on his own - not through the tube in his nose. According to Dr Baker, we will be able to take the tube out once he is eating 75% of his food for 2 days together and then he will be able to go home if he shows that he is gaining weight without the tube over another 2 day period. The other 2 things he has to continue doing is maintaining his body temp and he has to be Brady free for 7 days. The last brady he had was on December 2nd so he's 5 days into those 7 days already.

Go Koze!!!

weird

Crazy to think that this was him 24 weeks ago...

a night apart and FOOD!!!

Today has been a big day for Koze! So far he has been nursing part of his meals and has been fed the rest through the tube in his nose...but for his 9am feeding today he nursed his complete meal and then some. And then again at 12pm he nursed 43 of the 48 grams he was supposed to eat and so only had to be fed 5 grams through the tube. It seems like he has really turned a corner with his feeding today. I know I say it a lot but I am so proud of him! My heart is bursting with love and joy.

Also I spent my first night away from Koze last night...I was feeling totally exhausted and no matter how many naps I tried to take I felt like I couldn't get caught up on my sleep. I was starting to feel a little nuts and it was beginning to take very little to make me cry. So I decided it was time for a good nights sleep in a real bed. I called my aunt Marcy and asked if I could sleep in their guest room and then arranged for my friend Becky to give me a ride out there. (I'd like to mention that Becky is an amazing friend - she has a way of being there and showering a person in love in a way that is very nurturing and not at all draining. I am so happy that I got to spend some time with her while she's been here visiting from North Carolina.) When I got to my aunt and uncle's I was greeted by my 2 cousins, Brendon and Arria - 2 of the coolest individuals you could ever meet. Then after they left for their Christmas play rehearsal I sat down with my gma. We talked for a while and enjoyed some hot tea. I showered, put on some hillsong and had some amazing prayer time - for Koze and myself. I slept well and despite having to get up in the night to pump I woke up feeling refreshed and eager to get back to my little one.

Today has been a good one. Hopefully Koze will be going home within a week but if not I think I will take one night a week to sleep at my aunt and uncles and let myself recup.

Here's a pic of Koze from yesterday. He's growing so fast - gaining, somedays, twice as much weight as they expect a baby his age to pack on. So proud. :)

Thanksgiving

Koze and I spent our first Thanksgiving together in the NICU. It wasn't much different from any other day that we've been here. We spent our usual times together, every three hours through out the day and we had a visit from Tom, Marisa and TVA who brought me delicious thanksgiving foods to enjoy.

I gave Koze this card that I bought when I was in Nelson, BC earlier this year, before I was pregnant with him. I was trying to think of what I could do to make his little bed a little more festive for the holiday and attempted to make some fallish decorations - they did not turn out as I had imagined and then I remembered that I had this card in my laptop bag. The colors were perfect and it provided a nice opportunity for me to write him his first card, telling him how grateful I am to have him here with me.

Koze Josiah - Week 1

Here is a mess of pictures from Koze's first week...

update and poop story

Koze is doing so well and showing improvement every day. He has had to be under lights because he's had jaundice but yesterday they took the lights away. He's been doing surprisingly well with breast feeding considering how little he is. And this morning they were able to take his iv out because he's getting enough fluid just from the milk we've been giving him.

His nurse last night, Ann, told me that he had the biggest poop ever. I guess she started to change him and then he just kept pooping every time she'd put a fresh diaper under him until he'd gone through 4 diapers. And at one point while Ann's hands were full he decided to put both hands down in his dirty diaper before she could stop him. Ann asked him if he was finished yet and she said he smiled and kind of grunted at her. What a cool kid I have.

It seems like everyday he spends more time with his eyes open looking around trying to focus. Its my favorite thing that he does right now.

Two Birth Photos

Theresa snapped these photos moments after he was born from her phone. He was born so fast (I pushed for under 5 minutes) so we were a little unprepared as far as making sure someone was there to take get some pictures.

Koze's Arrival

He is here. Just shy of the 32 week mark my little Koze made his way into the world early this morning at 2:19am. Completely unexpected, my water broke last night at 11:05. Thinking there was no way I could possibly be in labor I had almost made up my mind to just go back to bed and call Laura, my midwife, in the morning. Thankfully I ended up choosing to play it safe and called laura at 11:18. After explaining to her what had happened she felt confident that my water had indeed broken and that I could very possibly have this baby very soon. I had been a little crampy that day since early afternoon but, again, never imagined that I was in labor since I still had a good 2 months to go and the cramps weren't even as painful as a menstrual cramp. Laura suggested that we meet at the birth center so she could do a test to be 100% sure that my water had broken. Theresa, my temporary roommate and good friend, drove me to Alma where we arrived shortly before midnight. Laura tested my water and confirmed that it was BROKEN. I could barely believe it. At this point I began to realize that there was actually a rhythm to my contractions and I began to accept that my little boy was on his way. Laura had already called ahead to Emmanuel Hospital in North Portland to let them know we would be coming so theresa and I, followed by Laura headed over and I was admitted. Because my contractions appeared so mild we all prepared for what we thought could be a long wait - several hours to a couple days is what I was told to expect. After I was all settled in my room Laura decided to head home to get some rest and told me to call her when things progressed. I felt totally relaxed and agreed that there was no reason for Laura to wait at the hospital with me. We were just getting ready to say good bye when I suddenly felt like I was going to throw up and said so to laura. I knew this was often a sign of transition and remember feeling like it was strange that I would be getting sick so early on in labor. Laura quickly grabbed something for me to throw up into and I threw up all the soup I had had for dinner that night. After this happened the MD on duty checked me and found that I was 7 to 8 centimeters dilated. Much further along than the 3 centimeters she had predicted just minutes before. It was a very busy night for labor and deliveries and there were no immediate rooms available for me to go to so they moved me into the O.R. Once there my contractions began to intensify and I soon felt the urge to push. I finally began to become more vocal about how I was feeling as I felt the force of what was going on in my body rapidly gaining strength. My nurse, Erin, who was amazing and so so encouraging with her words, told me not to push yet. The contraction eased up a little and with the next one she said i could push so I did and almost immediately it seemed he was crowning and that was the first real pain I felt. It was so intense that for a moment I was afraid to continue pushing but everyone around me encouraged me that I was doing so well and someone told me that his head was almost out and asked me if I wanted to feel him. I reached down and felt the top of his head which was covered in hair. Suddenly my perspective shifted from fear to determination and I began pushing as hard as I could until I felt his head followed by the rest of his body slide out. The relief was instant and I could see him and hear him crying right away. Since he was so early they had to cut his cord and whisk him right away to NICU. I didn't feel any disappointment that I was not going to be able to hold him right away like I had wanted - I was grateful that he was in very capable hands and felt confident that everything was being done to give him the absolute best start under these circumstances. Everyone at Emmanuel was very supportive of my wanting a natural birth and made me feel like such a rock star - telling me how amazing I was doing. I was so grateful for Laura's presence. Her calmness and confidence in me gave me so much strength. I am so so glad she was there. And Theresa was AMAZING. One of the first images I remember right after he was born was her looking at me with a big smile on her face and a couple tears on her cheek. She was always ready with something to make me laugh and helped to keep the mood light and fun - which is what I really wanted. I would say I had an incredible experience with this birth and am incredibly grateful. After the placenta was out and I was given a stitch or two for a small tear I was able to see Koze almost immediately. He did great right from the start and has been breathing all on his own. He weighed 4lbs 12oz and is absolutely the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. ever. I am so in love with him that it makes my heart so happy and also ache just a little. So the end of the first day is winding down and I am exhausted. I am going to go spend a few more minutes with him now before I go to sleep.

I wanted to note that Koze was born during the Leonid meteor shower.

Here are a few pics of his first day...

Becoming a parent

You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them but seek not to make them like you, for life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; for even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable - Kahlil Gibran



[photo by Martina Hoogland Ivanow]

**Thanks TVA for the quote***

Baby Shower

Here are the pics from my little baby shower at Marisa's. It was such a fun night...I really can't believe the friends I have sometimes. They are all such beautiful and amazing individuals.

The food was prepared by Laurel - it turned out to be Ethiopian and not Moroccan like I had initially thought, but either way was so delicious. I was given many gifts for my little guy for which I am extremely grateful and I left that night feeling so much love and support from my friends.

We had some technical difficulty with the camera so a lot of the pics are kind of blurry but capture the fun of the evening.

Me:




Dinner: So SO delicious...








The People and the Party:












The below picture makes me laugh...I REALLY enjoyed Lindsey's brownies!




What a beautiful Grammy he has...lucky duck. :)